If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were destined to go to rehab together
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
