Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
