oh god the rape fog is back!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
