They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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