I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
