We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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