I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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