I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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