dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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