I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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