i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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