You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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