i need an iv and a liver transplant
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
