i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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