Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
