paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
