I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
