Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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