Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
