even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
