i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So apparently I’m into choking now
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