I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
