I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
