I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
