Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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