My entire life is one complicated drinking game
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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