Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
