Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
