Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
