I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
