I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
