i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
