Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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