There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
