Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
