On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
