I wish life had little blips of pornography
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
