You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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