I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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