Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
