i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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