I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
