he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
