I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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