Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
