You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Randomize
