Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
