He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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