Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
