My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
