Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
