I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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