And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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