office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
