So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
50% drunk capacity currently
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
