are you still at the devil's house?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
