I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
