Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
